Stability and Change: The power of habits
The power of habits
When I chat with my clients they often share their desire for balance and change. They want to stop checking their email late at night or first thing in the morning. They want to maintain weight. They want to maintain a practice of prayer or reading or making time for “me”tings (time to think and plan solo) or being on time to meetings. Have you ever made a goal on Sunday just to be annoyed with yourself by Thursday? Or make a resolution one year just to make it again the next year? This can cause shame and frustrations. Here are a few things I have found helpful in developing and maintaining habits.
One thing I have learned is that the way I maintain habits has to change as the horizons in my life change. For example, when my boys were in middle school, they started school at 8:35 a.m. This meant that the mornings were busy getting them out the door, and by the time I got to work, I had to hit the ground running. This meant that my workouts had to be done at the end of the work day. I tried a few other things, but let’s get real, I could not maintain getting up and working out at 5:30 a.m., and working out at lunch never seems to fit in and I hated having to shower midday. I also promised myself I would work out after their bedtime, but I was too tired. For others, those things may work, but I had to be honest that they did not work for me. So I changed into my workout clothes at work and hit the gym before I came home. That worked most days, and on days it did not work out due to a need with the kids or work, or I just did not feel like it, I gave myself grace. I planned to go 5 days a week, but really aimed to at least do three. When my kids switched to high school they were both out the door before 7 a.m. That left me time to workout three days a week and go in early a few days a week (always Monday) to ground myself and get organized before others came in and needed my attention.
It has also helped me to keep my habits when I do it with someone else. It makes it more fun, but also I am more likely to do my morning walk if I am meeting my neighbor. I don’t want to let them down. I also don’t let my mind throw me off of my habits. I just set myself up for success and let my body take over. For example, I will run the morning if I set up my clothes and shoes the night before. I will do yoga if I lay out my mat. I will laugh if I call a friend. I will eat healthy if I pack my lunch. I will read more and sleep better if my bedroom does not have a TV in it and my phone is not plugged in by my bed. Making these changes is being a friend to my future self.
I also love lists and accomplishments, so I have downloaded the app DONE and I have a daily and weekly goal list that I can check everyday and can try to make streaks of successful days in a row. I make time for prayer, meditation, gratitude journals, and eat healthier when I have a food journal and use my DONE app.
I also have started to only make goals that I can likely sustain for a long time. For years I made too many goals, talked negatively to myself often, and had fits and starts that never turned into sustainable habits. I would set a running goal and then remember weeks later that I hate running. But I love to spin. So I became a spin instructor and taught twice a week. It forced me to go to the gym and I never had to reserve a bike! Start with one thing you want to change and track it, or find a friend, or try out a new routine.
A few years ago, our work team started setting one word intentions for the year instead of new year’s resolutions. All year we could then lean in to practicing that intention. Last year I picked “pace” and this year I picked “surrender.” Last year I focused on if I was going too fast and not checking in with others on their opinions or asking too much of my team during a time of great challenge. I also asked myself where I was going too slowly. I physically moved more and focused on parts of my job that needed to speed up towards results. I was more mindful all year about not being a victim of pace imposed on me, but choosing, owning and adjusting. This year I am working on surrender. Not waiving the white flag, but letting go of the need to control. I aim to be more in tune with where I am being directed by the universe and more open to others needs. Listening to others and to the whisperings and confirmations. I have read about surrender and flow and tried it. It has been powerful.
To help you with setting and making habits, you may want to read of listen to something like: The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business by Charles Duhigg or set up a coaching meeting with me.
“You find peace not by rearranging the circumstances of your life, but by realizing who you are at the deepest level.” ~Eckhart Tolle
